A Donald Trump Love Story
by gayasshole666
Summary: It's Donald's first year in high school, and as a white upper class male, it's been a tough summer. His school is moronic, the students are dogs, and the teachers are even worse, there's only one person worth going to the terrible dump for, Vladimir Putin.
1. Chapter 1

Donald banged on his locker door, "Open you dumb slut!" he screamed at the inanimate object. He was going to be late for his first class, life had been pretty tough this year, his parents had got him the wrong type of sports car for his birthday, making him look like a fool.

Suddenly, Donald felt a a presence beside him, a strong, authoritative, presence. He turned and saw an upperclassmen by his side, "Here, let me help you with that," said Vladimir Putin, only the most popular boy in school. Donald couldn't believe his eyes, he was amazed as Vladimir opened the locker with ease, and then dreamily gazed down at him. "T-thank you," Donald stuttered out in disbelief. "No problem," he paused, "you better get to class, or you might be late." Then, the handsome junior turned and headed to his class. Donald was left clouded in disbelief and a strange feeling that he couldn't shake.

…..

After third period, Donald headed to the lunchroom. It was more difficult than usual for him to pay attention during classes, of course the teachers were no less boring than any other year, but something was nagging at him, something about Vladimir…

When Donald got the the lunchroom, he realized he had no where to sit. Well, more like there was no where reasonable for him to sit. There was no way he would be caught sitting at a table with Hilary Clinton, she was one of, many of, the biggest bitches in the school. He wouldn't sit next to Jeb Bush unless it was the apocalypse, and even then it was a fat chance, Jeb is a giant nerd. It seemed there was no rational place to sit, everybody sucked ass. Donald found an empty table and began to pick through his lunch, "Not very appetizing, is it?" said a familiar voice, Donald looked up and sure enough, "Is this seat taken?" Vladimir Putin wanted to sit with _him._ _Be cool Donald, you're a cool guy, be cool,_ Donald pep talked himself, "Sure I don't see why not," he breathed an internal sigh of relief. "So, did you make it to your class on time?" Donald was staring directly into Vladimir's beautiful blue eyes, it was mesmerizing. "M-my class?" He was lost in a beautiful, icey ocean, "Yes, your class this morning?" Donald snapped from his phantasy, and began blushing furiously. "Y-yeah, I got there on time," Donald let out a small laugh, "Barely, Mr. Hagel almost didn't let me in, what a moron." He had avoided any questions, so far, but another mess up like that and Donald might lose the only person worth talking to in this loser school.

…..

Donald was almost through with his first week of school, it was thursday and tomorrow night was the first football game, even though everyone on the football team were terrible failures. That's why Vladimir went fishing instead, Donald wished Vladimir would take him on one of his fishing trips. Just the two of them, skewering worms together, watching the sunset…

 _What? I'm not gay!_ Donald tried his hardest to pay attention to his algebra teacher, but he couldn't stop thinking about Vladimir, and it was only halfway through second period. He wished it would just finally be lunch, the only time Donald saw Vladimir all day. He also wished his algebra teacher were less of a dumb lightweight. _Stupid bitch,_ Donald thought. _Women are horrible, not like Vladimir.._ "Donald, can you answer the question on the board please?" He prepared the most snarky of remarks, "I _could_ , but I don't want to," Donald replied, he was met with laughter from the whole room. "Donald, come up here and answer the question on the board," he reluctantly pulled himself up and headed to the front of the room. He answered the question easily, math was so easy. Mrs. Vail assigned homework, and a few minutes later the bell rang. _One more period,_ thought Donald, _then it's lunch._

Earth Science was Donald's least favorite class out of all of them. Some dumb girl stood in front of the class and said, the earth is round, there's some dirt and some water, then the whole class clapped for her. There was probably some other stuff about science and whatever, but that wasn't important to Donald. _Vladimir_ was important to Donald. Donald thought about being with Vladimir at the football game, it would be cold, and Donald could cuddle up next to Vladimir, and maybe they would ever, _NO._ Donald interrupted his own thoughts, _I AM NOT GAY. And more important, Vladimir isn't gay. He doesn't and wouldn't like me like that,, NOT THAT I LIKE HIM LIKE THAT…_ the teacher droned on about water being wet, and Donald kept thinking about Vladimir, maybe if he just asked him if he was going to the football game tomorrow, they could "hang out" together. _Yeah, "hang out,"_ Donald thought. Maybe nothing would happen, but it wouldn't matter, as long as he was next to Vladimir, the night would be perfect.

Then the bell rang, it was time to put Donald's plan into action.

Donald headed towards his normal lunch tabled and quickly sat down, waiting for Vladimir to sit in his normal seat. Any minute now, Donald would be sitting next to Vladimir, and looking into his cold blue eyes. Five minutes passed, then five minutes became ten minutes, then ten minutes became fifteen. Before he knew it, lunch was almost over and Vladimir was no where in sight. Donald left the lunch room with nothing accomplished.


	2. Chapter 2

Vladimir hadn't sat with him at lunch? Was it something Donald had said? Donald was a very well mannered and well behaved student, so that couldn't be the case. _Did Vladimir know about Donald secret crush on him?_ "I DON'T LIKE HIM!" Donald screamed at his full body anime pillow, Sailor Moon helped Donald work out all his problems. Since it wasn't a _real_ girl, he could take out everything on her.

"Maybe I should just," _yes, yes_ , Donald thought, _I'll just pretend Sailor Moon is Vladimir, like roleplaying!_ Yes! This is a great idea! Donald set up Sailor Moon, so it would look like she was sitting, obviously, and pulled up a chair next to her.

"UH, So uh, Vladimir, you were gone yesterday…" Donald started off strong.

"Yes, Donald, I had to go on an emergency fishing trip!" Donald spoke in a Russian accent, but it wasn't nearly as charming as Vladimir's.

" Oh, Cool! Was it uhm, fun?" _just some casual conversation between bros, no big deal, don't freak out…_ Donald was breaking a sweat.

"It was _terrible_ , it's WAR season for the fish, but when you pick a fight with PUTIN, PUTIN ALWAYS WINS." Donald's heart was racing.

"Oh my! What happened?"

"It was a beautiful day for fishing, sunny, cool, not too much wind, but everything changed when the fish attacked. They were fast and slippery, the bastards, but they were no match for my SHEER HUNKY-NESS."

"Oh, Senpai," Donald swooned.

"I PUNCHED THOSE FISH, I PUNCHED EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM THEN STABBED MY FISHING POLE THROUGH ALL _THREE THOUSAND_ OF THEM,"

"Vladimir, you're so bold and brave!"

"Then I fried all of those fish up, every last one, and I ATE THEM ALL, THEN-" But just then, Donald's mother burst through the door!

"Donald, sweetie, it's dinner time, I made you caviar, just the way you-"

"MOM. WHAT DID I SAY ABOUT MY DOOR."

"I know, I know, I just always forget to knoc-"

"I'LL BE DOWN WHEN I'M READY."

"Okay darling whatever you sa-" Donald quickly slammed the door in her face. Honestly the woman was a complete ditz and it was hard for Donald to believe he was related to her at all.

"Ugh, maybe Vladimir is just ignoring me…" Donald collapsed on his bed, he supposed he better go eat his mother's disgusting food. It was probably prepared wrong, and tasted repulsive, he supposed he would just have to slather ketchup on it and push through.

….

The next day Donald waited anxiously for lunch, hoping that Vladimir didn't in fact hate him, and was gone yesterday punching fish. He sat for three whole periods of droning teachers and stupid students listening to every word, then finally the bell rang.

Donald practically sprinted to the lunchroom, hurried through the lunch line and the ogres this school called "lunch ladies," splatted a green, brown matter on his tray. Donald knew from experience the "lunch ladies" did not serve anything remotely close to food, nor were they in any form ladies.

Donald rushed to sit down at his usual table and waited. His whole body filled with anxiety as seconds ticked by, when two minutes passed his hopes began to falter, but just then, he heard a beautiful Russian voice from behind him.

"The mashed potatoes are really disturbing aren't they?" It was Vladimir! Oh, sweet relief washed down Donald.

"Yeah, I couldn't even tell what they were haha!" Donald hoped he didn't sound _too_ excited, even though he was, he had to keep his cool, calm persona.

"Sorry I was gone yesterday, I was home with a cold," _well, that's a lot lamer than punching fish…._ Donald thought to himself, but the important part was that Vladimir was back, and that Donald was _cool_.

"Oh, I uh, hardly even noticed you were gone," Donald said, poking at his puke-resembling potatoes. When he looked up, he could see a twinge of pain in Vladimir's wintery eyes.

"Oh," Donald felt a sharp pain rip through him, he didn't mean to hurt Vladimir's feelings, _wait, since when do I care about people's feelings?_ Donald had never cared about others before, why should he now? But still…

"So, uh, you're uhm feeling better today then?" Donald did not feel cool anymore.

"Yeah, I went to the doctor's office and stuff, got some medicine," Donald had to find a way to bring up the football game, it was his one chance at redemption. Just then a bunch of football jocks walked passed, the perfect opportunity. He could tell by the expression on Vladimir's face he despised them as much as Donald did, especially Bernie Sanders. Bernie was _Quarterback_ , and he was the worst one of them all. Always doing community work and being respectful to women, and winning all the sports games, worst of all, he was _handsome,_ maybe the third most handsome boy in the school, Vladimir being first and Donald being the second of course. But Bernie was threatening his position in second place. _Stupid handsome bastard,_ thought Donald. Finally all the jocks passed by, with their stupid good-smelling cologne and pretty eyes, but not as pretty as Vladimir's.

"So, are you, going to the football game tonight?" Donald started out, casual, calm, collected, _cool_.

"Yeah, my mom wouldn't let me go unless I came to school today, but I have to see Martinsville beat them to the ground." Vladimir laughed, Donald wished he could listen to that laugh for forever.

"Yeah," Donald laughed too, "I wouldn't miss that for the world," _but I would miss it for you, Vladimir_ , Donald thought silently.

"Are, you going with anyone tonight?"

"N-no, why?" Donald thought he was going to black out, wake up and realize it was all a dream

"Well, I was wondering if you wanted to go together, like as friends, and uh, hang out." Vladimir Putin, was asking Donald if _he_ wanted to go to the football game with him? It took everything Donald had not to get up and scream with joy.

"Y-yeah sounds like fun," the bell ended Donald's sentence for him.

"Well, I'll see you there then," and just like that, Vladimir was gracefully walking to his next class. Donald's heart started beating again, and in his mind he began preparing for the football game that was to come.


	3. Chapter 3

"I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO WEAR!" Donald yelled and whined in his room. Around him were various piles of clothing, all deemed wrong for the night's event.

"What am I going to do?" Donald groaned, the football game was in just hours, and he had to look flawless for Vladimir. _What does Vladimir like?_ Though Donald, _I know! He likes to fish!_ Yes! Of course! All Donald had to do was create an outfit entirely out of fish and then… _no, that's stupid,_ Donald collapsed on his bed. What was he going to do? What if Vladimir only asked him as a joke? Why was Donald so worried about what Vladimir thought?

"URGH!" Donald pushed his face into his pillow. All he wanted was for Vladimir to like him.

Then, Donald had a sudden revelation from an old anime girl episode he had watched, one of the ditzy girls had said "If you want to make friends, Sasaki-kun, just be yourself!" _That's it!_ Finally those stupid girls had taught Donald something. If Vladimir and Donald were to dat- _become friends_ Vladimir would have to accept Donald as he was.

"Then that's that!" Donald donned his best anti-school spirit wear, a shirt which on the front said "The Bobcats SUX" and on the back it had a picture of the school bobcat with a red X over it. "Perfect." The shirt was very flattering to Donald's figure, Sailor Moon said so.

Now all that was left to do was wait for seven o'clock. It was four o'clock.

….

Donald spent two hours watching anime to get himself pumped up, not that he needed to get excited to see Vladimir. He spent the remaining hour making sure he had just the right amount of cologne on, and fixing his hair. Finally, he ordered the limousine driver to take him to the football field. Donald pulled up to the football field, and when the driver opened his door, a handsome, rich, good-smelling _man_ stepped out of limo. Donald was ready.

Now all he had to do was find Vladimir.

Donald's first thought was to text the Russian cutie, _CUTIE? I DON'T THINK HE'S CUTE WE'RE JUST FRIENDS IT'S NOT LIK-_ but, Vladimir had never given Donald a phone number. Then Donald tried looking for him in the stands, but he couldn't find him. Donald was pretty early to the game, _maybe he's just not here yet, yeah. That has to be it._ Donald decided to sit and wait a little longer for Vladimir to show up.

Donald found a seat in the corner of the bleachers, as far away from the obnoxious school section as possible, and waited. After the team came on the field, and the dumb cheerleaders started dancing or whatever, Donald started looking around for Vladimir, _surely he must be here by now._ As Donald searched, a figure approached behind him.

"Hello," a deep voiced Russian accent said, _Vladimir!_

"Hi! Vladimir!" Donald didn't want to sound annoying, but boy was he excited. It was almost like, _it's almost like a date… just us… together… alone…_ Vladimir sat down next to Donald and Donald quickly woke himself from his momentary day dream. _Like a date between bros, not a date-date, like a bro-date, a brate._

"I uh, like your shirt," Donald smiled triumphantly. He _had_ made the right decision in being himself.

"Thanks, I like your shirt too," Donald looked down from Vladimir's glowing face to his clothing, "a-and uh your jacket." Donald's face turned red as he took in Vladimir's outfit. Putin wore a thin white shirt under a brown leather jacket with a pair of green cargo pants.

"Oh, thanks," a small smile snuck across the Russian's face, and he scratched the back of his head bashfully.

During their conversation, the marching band had made their way onto the field. Before the conversation could continue, the band began to play the Star Spangled Banner. Donald and Vladimir both respectfully stood, hand over heart, as the below average band played.

A single tear rolled down Donald's cheek as the song concluded.

 _Gets me everytime,_ Donald thought to himself as he wiped the tear from his face.

The marching band hurried over to the bleachers to play the school fight song and the football players ran from their team huddle to the field.

The game had begun.


End file.
